*TRIGGER WARNING*
Diary Entry #5
Oct. 28, 2012
“I’m so close to giving up. I’m happy, then I’m sad again. Matt is the only thing that brightens my day. But at the end of the day all we have is who we are. So a fat, stupid, worthless, lifeless, uncaring, bitchy stubborn waste of space. I feel like a waste, a waste of space, a waste of air… a waste. I guess I kind of got closer with Tiela. But it’s not the same. She knows about my scars. So I want a new place to cut. But I shouldn’t want to cut, it’s just addicting. I can control a certain kind of pain. I’m tired of trying to find reasons to be happy because I can’t find any. I’m tired all the time and get headaches everyday; signs of depression. All my hairs falling out, I feel sick after even looking at food; signs of bulimia. All my laxitives were thrown out by my mom… now I don;t even know what to do. Each night I’ve been taking gravols so that I can get a good nights rest without waking up in the night. It physically hurts waking up in the morning because I know it means I have to face another day of hell. I tell myself that life isn’t that bad, it really isn’t!But I’m still upset about everything. I truly don’t remember the last time I haven’t gone to bed crying myself to sleep. I’m so fed up. I’m done. I’m tired. I’m done trying. So here goes, some more gravol hoping that I can sleep through the next few days, weeks, months… “
Finding My Freedom 
I have a 12-year-old daughter who is showing some signs of self-harm and bulimia, and it terrifies me! I feel so utterly helpless, but believe me, you’re not a waste. And what you write is not wasted. I’m reading and learning… Something tells me I may not be the only one, either! So … thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear, and I can only imagine the worry you go through. But if she really is, the only thing that can really help is you yourself. Remind her how important she is and how she is surrounded by those who love her. Let her understand how precious and fragile her life truly is. Keep an eye on her! I really hope it is just a phase or a simple problem that she can resolve quickly. But eventually, my dad brought me to my family doctor just to talk to him about everything. And I am so thankful for that, soon after I began doing a lot better! I wish you all the best!
Thank you